I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
