I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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