Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
