If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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