I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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