I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
