we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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