Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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