My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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