I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i drank out of a bidet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My butt remains clenched, sir.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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