it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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