yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
