I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
