Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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