I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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