Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
try to milk me bitch
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