just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
