I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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