she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
