dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize