so explain again why im purple
no
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
