i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
