Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
