Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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