Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
