areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
