This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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