well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
