Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
