I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
