it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
