i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
