a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
