Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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