I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize