no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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