Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
