So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
