There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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