don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
