Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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