Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize