If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
