I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His hands were made for my vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
