Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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