Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
