i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
