I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
