we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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