Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
worst night to have a conscience
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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