pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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