guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
