We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
