GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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