My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
