college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
