Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my being single is dangerous.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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