I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Two words: nipple clamps
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