You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
