Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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