Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
