Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
