I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Vodka?
Forever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
