You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
