Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
