Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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