Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
