also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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