I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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