Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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