Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
