Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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