my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I could fuck to npr.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
