You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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