I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
