Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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