Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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