i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
vagina is talking i cant
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
