I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
